There is nothing wrong with me.

I’m sad.

I watched the news today and it made me very sad. I know I probably sound like a 5- year old right now, but I don’t really care. Today made me sad. 

I watched c-span for the majority of the afternoon while the Supreme Court heard arguments about the constitutionality of Proposition 8. As someone who is interested in politics and law I found the conversation between the lawyers and justices to be incredibly fascinating and intriguing…

 

As someone who is gay, I wanted to crawl into myself and hide. Imagine watching a group of people discuss whether or not the constitution applies to you. Imagine hearing people tell you that you are not worth the same legal protection and benefits as your siblings. Imagine listening while people tell you that who and what you are is wrong. I listened to men and women quote the bible, I listened to people say that god didn’t make me like this, that something about me could be “fixed” or changed. I listened while people said I was less then them…I was less worthy, that as a citizen of this country that I was worth less then them.

 

All I wanted to do was scream that there is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me. I wanted to convince them, and then myself. 

 

It struck me…how upset I was that I had let their words could effect me so greatly. I was angry that people who have never met me could imagine me me in such a harsh way. I was hurt that they couldn’t see me for what I am- and that is so much more then my sexuality.

 

And then I though about the amazing women with whom I have shared love. The tender moments and gracious love. I wished I could invited the cynical, bible-verse throwing, bigots into my heart during those moments. So they could feel what it’s like to know love. Because wrapped in her I know that nothing about this could be wrong.

Feeling this whole, this genuine and this blessed…could never be wrong.

 

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